" Today I stand here.......so ashamed.....so broken.......so torn........and the worst part is I know it's all my fault........I am responsible for putting you through so much even though I know how alone you were........I know you didn't want much........and the little that you wanted.....I couldn't provide........everytime I saw the pain in your eyes.......the tears.......everytime you silently cried......somewhere I knew it was all my fault.......you didn't deserve this.......but I made you go through this for my personal wants.........you never told me to do whatever I did.......I just decided for myself that I had to do this.........never thinking about what would happen to you......and I wouldn't even call myself selfish.......cause that would have been better for you........for so many long years you suffered.......because of me......if I hadn't made the choices I made so many years ago you would have been free now.......free from all this pain.......free from the vacum that you feel inside......I know you won't ever be able to trust anyone ever.......and it's all because of me.......I broke all the trust.....the innocence......the purity you had in you......I took it all away.......and left you so alone and so defensive that you want to build walls around you so that no one would ever come through em again and know you......you can't dare to think of taking that risk ever again.........you say you are better off on your own........that you don't need anybody ever again........that you will fight all your battles alone.......you've been dissrespected so many times......yelled upon......mistreated......to the extend of emotional abuse.......I know emotionally you are drained.......you feel so numb that you don't even cry.......I know every feeling you're going through cause trust me I am that close to you........
But today when I see you I admire you......I never knew you had this much strength in you that you would go through your worst nightmare and yet come out of it.........I admire you because this didn't break you.......you might be broken but you still want to live......you might be scared but you still want to go on......I don't know at what point my pain gave way to your strength.......at what point I gave in and you took over........but I know one thing for sure......if you hadn't taken over it would have been the end of me......
I pray I will never ever put you through this again........cause I never meant to.........It just happened the way it did.......I chose the wrong person at the wrong time for the wrong reasons........but I wanted to give you a home.......I wanted you to have someone there with you when you faced life alone......so that people wouldn't look at you with pity.......so that you wouldn't be the poor little one......but I guess all I gave you was pain, tears and a whole lot of baggage to carry........I am sorry......"

This was for the person closest to me........this was for me........cause I am sorry I put myself through so much pain.........